By Alison Royer
What is a Muslim? If
you’re anything like me, you’ve never asked yourself this questions prior to
agreeing to write for a website entitled, “Muslims Do It Better.” Upon getting this job, I thought I should
maybe try to figure out what the hell a Muslim is. Clearly, I had a few ideas – I mean I’m not
totally stupid.
#1 Muslims Hate Jesus. I was sure of this but decided to research it
because I take my job seriously. You
will never believe this but Muslims don’t hate Jesus! They actually regard him as a prophet. They just think Muhammad was smarter or
something. I’m gonna be honest. I stopped reading. Once I found out that Muslims didn’t hate
Jesus I was perplexed because it blew a lot of holes into my next theory.
#2 Muslims Hate Me And Are Trying To Kill Me. I ran into a lot of trouble on this one
because, as it turns out, there is more than one kind of Muslim. I guess this makes sense seeing as
there is more than one kind of Christian but honestly, my mind was blown. Now I had to categorize the Muslims into a)
Muslims that hate me and are trying to kill me and b) other.
#3 My Religion Is Superior To The Muslim Religion. I was super sure of this one and fully ready
to extrapolate when I came to the horrifying realization that I have no idea
what religion I am. I went to call my
Grandma and then remembered that she died like three years ago rendering that
bitch useless. Of course then I started
to feel bad because I don’t even know if I believe in Heaven or Hell meaning I
HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY DEAD GRANDMA IS!
Ugh…religion is confusing.
I’m determined to find out what a Muslim is. As of right now I can tell you,
unequivocally, that they don’t hate Jesus and they may or may not be with my
dead grandma right now.
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