By Mr. Freedom
Welcome to Karachi
If you live in Karachi Pakistan like I do, you live with the
Taliban. There is no avoiding it. They are everywhere.
Imagine this – you’re lying down, dead beat from a long day,
and dreading the next tedious day ahead of you.
You’re done surfing through all 87 useless channels that your beloved
cable TV operator provides and sadly there is no porn channel available on Saturday
nights – a devastating blow. You refresh your Facebook profile hoping for a new
notification, friend request, or wall post…anything! You put on your PJs and leap into bed. The last two minutes before slumber, your
entire day flashes before your eyes. To
help you use those two minutes efficiently, I have provided a quick checklist
for you to keep by your bedside at all times. This list will help you to
determine whether or not you spent a typical day in Karachi.
1. At least 5
people in the city were gunned down by none other than the most famous
personalities of Pakistan – The Taliban aka “unidentified people.”
2. The Taliban
threatened Karachiites and traders to give them Bhatta (daily allowance). If unable to pay, the Taliban killed said
Karachiites with cracker bombs and/or guns.
3. You used
abusive expressions in at least three different languages to refer to Karachi
Electric Supply Corporation (KESC), i.e., FU** You KESC, You Mother Fuck***,
BLEEP, BLEEP!!!!!
4. Your window was tapped on by a man
dressed up as a woman who repeatedly called you Justin Bieber or Shahrukh Khan
while giving you cute looks.
5. You lodged
a complaint about your internet connection with authorities and they flicked
you off.
6. On your way
home from work, you were suddenly forced at gunpoint to relinquish your cell
phone and personal belongings to the famous Taliban in Karachi.
7. You
traveled 5km (roughly 3 miles), in a record-breaking three hours.
8. Your lungs enjoyed the deep inhalations of
a mixture of second hand smoke, carbon monoxide, and methane numerous times
during the course of the day.
9. You had a
delightful conversation with someone who repeatedly, albeit inadvertently, spit
paan (tobacco) all over your shirt.
10. You heard
someone blaring the multi-Grammy award winning songs ‘Munni badnaam’ or ‘Sheela
ki Jawani’ on their 15watt car speakers in a gratuitously souped-up Alto.
11. You thanked
God if there was no incident in the city by the Taliban. If there was, you thanked God you weren’t at
the centre of it. If you were, you
thanked God you made it out alive.
Welcome to Karachi
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