Hair removal commercials are like porn in Pakistan!

                                                                                                                          By Mr. Freedom

It’s nothing to be ashamed of and there is no point in switching channels when a hair removing cream commercial is aired while being surrounded by family members.  You don’t even have to leave the room...if you're in the west that is.  However things are a little different in Pakistan since the only thing that excites Pakistanis are the sensual legs of the actress (Katrina Kaif) in a Veet commercial.  She moves in that oh so sexy way that leaves her opposite gender gasping for air as they pant in front of their family members. And no they won't leave the room..this is the closest thing to porn on television. 

For some folks in Pakistan there is nothing strange or unusual in showing and/or seeing naked female body parts, but while for the vast majority this commercial is right up there with the Playboy channel.  One would say that this in accordance with freedom of expression and it absolutely is! However, Pakistan has a little while to go before family gatherings need to be dispersed because daddy got a boner watching Katrina Kaif shaving her legs on TV.

Middle East needs cars NOT freedom or education! Duh..

By Alison Royer

As usual, everyone’s priorities are totally in line:

German luxury car maker Audi plans to double its Middle East sales to at least 20,000 vehicles a year by 2020, helped by investment in showrooms and service centers, its local chief said.

Good for you Audi!  If there’s one thing we need to focus on in the Middle East, it’s getting everyone seated in a luxury automobile.  Education?  Boresville.  Freedom of religion?  Snooze-city.  Political tyranny?  Asleep o’clock.  CHECK OUT THIS NEW CAR WE’RE SELLING!

“Dubai is growing quite rapidly so that will create a lot more opportunities for us to sell. There is a lot of wealthy people living in Dubai right now,” Hill said.

Let’s all capitalize on human trafficking and laundered money!

Audi, which has suspended operations in civil war-torn Syria, did not see sales being hit in neighboring Lebanon, and in Jordan, which has also seen social unrest.

Oh c’mon Audi.  Don’t back down now!  Those assholes are gonna need getaway cars right?  You should be represented in all war-torn countries.  Do better Audi!  Maybe you should bring back the 

Sudden Unintended Acceleration Mobiles?  There’s nothing more luxurious than that. 

The Anti-Gay Muslim Patrol!

                                                                                                 By Romulus Marshall

For real... in East London, some blocks of the city are home to a group that calls itself “Muslim Patrol” who also ran a now defunct YouTube page chronicling its misadventures as its members harass individuals they deem to be homosexual, provocatively dressed, or drinking alcohol.   The most recent event was a vicious beating put on a man that was believed to be gay. 

Seriously guys - you can’t find anything better to do with your time then walk the streets looking for gay people in East London???  You can’t have it both ways - you can’t complain if people hate Islam and then go out and beat gays and drunks because you are TOTALLY misrepresenting it for the rest of us. 

I mean hey, I get it, you don’t like gays - but do what everyone else does when they don’t like gay people - get your hands on some porn!!!  Unlike in Pakistan, that shit ain’t banned in the UK (just go to ANY phone booth!!)   Maybe play a sport - let me clarify, a sport that does not require the use of a bat or large stick.  Better yet - you could just get a fake girlfriend like Manti T’eo!  Can't be HARAM (forbidden) if she don’t exist right?!?!  

Indian Girl unleashes her wrath on a douchebag!

There are a lot of pissed off Indian girls since the Delhi rape case...watch this video as the guy teases a girl on the street and she unleashes her wrath on him. It's hysterical...best part another man joins in to beat the crap out of him too! EPIC!

We Cancel Holidays like Delta Cancels Flights!

                                                   By Romulus Marshall

So we’ve been keeping an eye on the push in Kyrgyzstan to cancel and ban Christmas and New Year’s celebrations in the country and of course, we have an update.  Looks like neighboring Tajikstan is also looking to put the kibosh on New Year’s.  Usual favorites “Father Frost and his sidekick Snow Maiden” may no longer be involved in the festivities if the new age lawmakers have their way.

OK so back to Kyrgyzstan -  it looks like the lawmaker responsible for heading this movement, Bakir Uulu, also would like to add a couple more “Un-Islamic” calendar dates to the ban list. They include Women's Day and International Workers' Day, marked on March 8 and May 1, respectively.”  This keeps getting better - I mean Women’s Day is a given, I’m surprised that wasn’t the first one up to get axed, but International Worker’s Day too??  What’s next, Take Your Daughter to Jihad day will be canned???  Interestingly enough, they want to keep Movember on the calendar, apparently celebrating facial hair is acceptable - go figure...

Sex!!!!! Can Pakistani Mullah Digest This?

By Mr. Freedom

Sex!!!!! Can Pakistani Mullah Digest This?

Straight from Karachi...

The term “sex” and “education” are a rarity in Pakistan: Sex Ed. is not taught in schools. Here, young people mainly learn about sex from whispered conversations at a gathering or by someone's experience. Many young adults say their parents were reluctant to give them the facts about reproduction because after all babies come from heaven NOT a uterus. Traditional and Islamic values prevent these young adults from basic sex education. Besides its awkward having sex talk with your son or daughter because they'll figure out why mom was screaming in the shower this morning.

Until now no comprehensive sex education has been given in schools or medical colleges. According to the sources: Dow University of Health and Sciences based in Karachi announced that it will integrate reproductive health education into its curriculum in the next year. I think most young folks just wanna know exactly what goes where and how much fun it is getting there.  Ever since they banned porn in Pakistan...this is the only alternative. If sex is healthy, marriage is healthy than the relationship would be healthy because sex makes everything better...no for reals! Due to this sex education, young adults are expected to make good and safe decisions about health and family planning...and by that I mean put a condom on please. Not only do you get more bang for your buck this way (pun absolutely intended) but also prevent overpopulation, cause economic growth, be able to provide more education and have less desire to watch porn to escape the harsh realities of life.

MUSLIM PEDO BEAR ALERT!!!

By Romulus Marshall

Uh Oh - they’re at it again!!  The Muslim Pedo Bear rears his head once again in Saudi Arabia where a 70 year old man married a 15 year old girl.  Sadly - this only came to light after the man had complained that his in-laws had ripped him off and kept the $20K he had paid them for the girl.  

It’s creepy ass-clowns like this pedopile who need a sharp kick in the balls.  This whole child-bride business needs to come to an end quick - and you wonder why the world hates you!!!

Allah gets you killed!

By Romulus Marshall

Muslims have been known to “hijack” pretty much anything they can get their hands on over the years, but interestingly enough, this time they’ve managed to hijack a word.  Malaysia’s leader, Selangor Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah, decreed it a crime in Malaysia for Christians and other non-Muslims to utter the word “Allah” as it is exclusive only to Muslims. 

"His Highness deeply regrets that his decree has been taken lightly by certain quarters," said Mohd Misri, adding that the sultan has also instructed Mais and the Selangor Islamic Religious Department (Jais) to take "stern action" against any Muslim or non-Muslim who ignore the edict issued according to Selangor laws.

No word yet on what the punishment is - but in this part of the world, you get 10 lashes for spitting out your gum on the sidewalk, so I would imagine that “stern action” would range anywhere from ripping out your tongue to permanently sealing your rectum shut.

Introducing Mr. Freedom our newest blogger...Krazy Karachi!

By Mr. Freedom

Welcome to Karachi

If you live in Karachi Pakistan like I do, you live with the Taliban.  There is no avoiding it.  They are everywhere.  

Imagine this – you’re lying down, dead beat from a long day, and dreading the next tedious day ahead of you.  You’re done surfing through all 87 useless channels that your beloved cable TV operator provides and sadly there is no porn channel available on Saturday nights – a devastating blow. You refresh your Facebook profile hoping for a new notification, friend request, or wall post…anything!  You put on your PJs and leap into bed.  The last two minutes before slumber, your entire day flashes before your eyes.  To help you use those two minutes efficiently, I have provided a quick checklist for you to keep by your bedside at all times. This list will help you to determine whether or not you spent a typical day in Karachi.

1.         At least 5 people in the city were gunned down by none other than the most famous personalities of Pakistan – The Taliban aka “unidentified people.”

2.         The Taliban threatened Karachiites and traders to give them Bhatta  (daily allowance).  If unable to pay, the Taliban killed said Karachiites with cracker bombs and/or guns.

3.         You used abusive expressions in at least three different languages to refer to Karachi Electric Supply Corporation (KESC), i.e., FU** You KESC, You Mother Fuck***, BLEEP, BLEEP!!!!!

4.         Your window was tapped on by a man dressed up as a woman who repeatedly called you Justin Bieber or Shahrukh Khan while giving you cute looks.

5.         You lodged a complaint about your internet connection with authorities and they flicked you off.

6.         On your way home from work, you were suddenly forced at gunpoint to relinquish your cell phone and personal belongings to the famous Taliban in Karachi.

7.         You traveled 5km (roughly 3 miles), in a record-breaking three hours.

8.         Your lungs enjoyed the deep inhalations of a mixture of second hand smoke, carbon monoxide, and methane numerous times during the course of the day.

9.         You had a delightful conversation with someone who repeatedly, albeit inadvertently, spit paan (tobacco) all over your shirt.

10.       You heard someone blaring the multi-Grammy award winning songs ‘Munni badnaam’ or ‘Sheela ki Jawani’ on their 15watt car speakers in a gratuitously souped-up Alto.

11.       You thanked God if there was no incident in the city by the Taliban.  If there was, you thanked God you weren’t at the centre of it.  If you were, you thanked God you made it out alive.

Welcome to Karachi

Saudi Girl bangs and then gets banged up!

By Alison Royer

I may have just discovered the smartest family ever.  

Father quizzed overdaughter’s suspicious death

Exhibit 1: Two years ago, a high school girl from Saudi Arabia eloped with four men.  (I'm still unclear about what "eloped" means but based on all the brouhaha that followed, I'm pretty sure it means "bang").  When caught, she told her father that she had mysteriously fallen asleep in a classroom, was then abducted for a brief stint before being safely dropped back off at school.  THE FATHER BELIEVED THIS MALARKEY and then immediately called the police.  It took the police about 30 seconds to figure out that high-school broad was lying. 

Exhibit 2:  Once the authorities got involved, the high-school girl was obviously jailed and lashed (I love how lashing is an actual thing).  Unclear why high-school girl even came back.  I mean…it's Saudi Arabia and you're a woman.  Run for your life little one.  But no, she returned only to be jailed and then…

Exhibit 3:  Somewhere in there the dad beat his daughter to death.  He then took her to the hospital and claimed that "she had lost consciousness suddenly."  (Good cover pops.)  Of course when you beat someone to death it causes bruising and once again this brilliant family was caught.

I wish I could say this story surprises me but at this point it's old hat.  Just ask these guys.

As usual, I hate everyone.

Muslim Swinger Party...and it doesn't involve swings!

Muslim Swinger Party!!!!

By Romulus Marshall

If there is one headline you read and do a double take - it’s this one...a Muslim Swinger Party!!!!! But unlike the caption photo above..this party is more about the caption photo below...

OH YEAH baby!!  Well, not exactly - so there is a ritual some Muslims in Indonesia partake in on an annual basis in which they travel to a mountaintop and have sex with a complete stranger.  That’s correct, they have no strings attached sex with complete strangers. Granted most of the attendees are greedy business owners and older ladies seeking some young lovin’ - but it’s a start.  According to one of the attendees,

“This is all Islam. There are those here who are only Muslims on their identity cards, but there are also people here who have been on the pilgrimage to Mecca, who come here to help out their business. Sure, adultery is against Islam but it’s no big deal if it’s to benefit your business.”

Um...if this is really how Islam works, then I think they’ll have a hell of a lot more success converting people to Islam than going the whole Taliban Death By the Sword thing.  I’m just sayin’, attracting new members by holding swinger parties is WAY more productive than being all angry all the time.

CantShowYourFacebook!

By Romulus Marshall

From Irani BoobTube to Pakistani “CantShowYourFace”book!!!!

It looks like the folks that have been running a social networking site similar to FaceBook (but apparently free of blasphemy) are now hurting for cash.  There is a plea from the founders and operators of “MillatFaceBook.com” (really...you still include the word facebook in your site - come on now...) to its user community to help pay for the soon to collapse network.  “MillatFacebook says it sought donations to "help us towards our goal of keeping this Peaceful Social Network run forever and defeat blasphemer Facebook”.  Facebook has faced multiple bans in Pakistan because it allowed its users to upload some silly cartoons which militants deemed blasphemous and representative of the entire 1.5 billion + users of facebook.  Bright idea - let’s launch OUR own facebook!!!  We’ll add some silly urdu word to facebook, how about Millat!!!  Facebook is about expressing themselves - millatfacebook can be about oppressing themselves!!  Oh this is great - we’ll be the #1 site in all of Pakistan and the entire world!!!  After 2 years of crickets chirping, millatfacebook.com is now the #10,266 on the most popular websites in Karachi - hard to claim success when you get outranked by friendster (and I mean NOBODY uses friendster!).

If anything this has proven the 2 things that mullahs should never run...#1 social networks #2 ANYTHING ELSE

Morsi: The Arabic Slick Rick!

By Alison Royer

Mohamed Morsi…you slick mother fucker.

I am riveted.  Let me introduce you to the newest president of Egypt.  This enchanter went to USC where he got a Doctorate in engineering…curious.  He is one of the leading members of the Muslim Brotherhood…interesting.  After being elected as president, Morsi granted himself "unlimited powers to protect" the nation…how eerily convenient.  Add the fact that Morsi is married to his cousin (creepy) and I admit I'm suspect.

In most recent news, Morsi has drafted a constitution that literally no one likes (ugh…ok fine, some people like it but they're the ones who don't know how to read or write so they don't really count). 

I'll be interested to see how this turns out.  Watch your back Morsi.  I've got my eye on you.

Bitches Driving? Word...

By Romulus Marshall

OK...I’ll give you a minute to digest this because it took me like 12 hits of some ridiculous grass to realize that this shit is for real... dogs in New Zealand are being taught how to drive a car.

YES...DOGS... YES...REAL CARS

Three rescue dogs in New Zealand, a giant schnauzer, a whippet cross and a beardie cross,  were recently taught how to drive a car specially outfitted to respond to paws.  The dogs have already exhibited that they can start a car, accelerate, change gears, brake, and steer.  Umm... WTF??  This is just beyond mind-blowing that not only are they driving, but they’re driving stick!  

So what does that have to do with this blog?  Umm... EVERYTHING!!!  For anyone keeping score, New Zealand now literally has 3 more canine drivers than Saudi Arabia has HUMAN FEMALE drivers.  It is mind boggling that one country in this day and age is THAT far behind the times that other countries are teaching animals how to drive.  Relatively speaking, of course, bitches can drive in New Zealand, but bitches can’t drive in Saudi Arabia!! That’s crazy!!  But then again...Muslims Do it Better...  

Happy NO Year??

By Romulus Marshall

As we here at MDIB celebrate and wish everyone a VERY Happy New Year - we must take pause and withhold our well wishes for the people of Kyrgyzstan because SURPRISE SURPRISE New Year’s is now in the process of getting banned there.  Muslim Clerics in Kyrgyzstan have put out a Fatwa that since celebrating New Year’s has nothing to do with Islam, it will now be banned.  They also chimed in with a “plus it’s too expensive and we would rather help the children and the poor.”

Alright fellas - which is it...Islam crashing the parade, or are y’all just CHEAP!?!? It’s annoying when these mullas hide behind Islam - just like the douchebag protesters trying to get a sip of Kim K’s milkshake for free, these dudes are using Islam to get off cheap!! I don’t see any fatwas in Dubai because when it comes to New Year’s celebrations, they put that shit on BLAST!!!!