Bangladouche!

By Alison Royer

Let's recap: Bangledeshi man, Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis, comes to U.S. on student visa.  He then attempts to orchestrate terrorist cell but instead accidentally aligns himself with F.B.I. cohorts.  Nafis has grand fantasies of murdering President Barack Obama yet settles for Federal Reserve Bank of New York.  After Mohammad (this guy has like five names and I intend to use each and every one of them) abandoned the idea of a suicide bombing because of a few loose ends he needed to tie up in Bangladesh, he set out to detonate the Reserve from a local hotel room, only to realize the entire operation was a ruse and he was under arrest.

Wowsers.  I thought my study abroad program was challenging but this guy really got the shit kicked out of him.  To be fair, it serves him right.  For starters, if you're planning a terrorist attack and find that Mohammad is anywhere in your name and that your last name is a mere letter away from the word Nazi…you may wanna think about changing it up.  Paul Smith maybe?  Furthermore, it serves Ahsan right for not showing the initiative of other terrorists who actually have the gonads to take themselves out.  Apparently Rezwanul wanted to get his affairs in order first.  I assume that meant laundry and grocery shopping.  Clearly the Bangladouche fucked the monkey in a major way which is a shame seeing as he had just reached the legal drinking age further proving my point that binge drinking is the solution to terrorism. 

This guy could be balls deep in a fish bowl right now instead of balls deep in his hairy cellmate from Queens, behind a trash can, in a New York prison.  You blew it Quazi…get ready for some balls in your mouth.