Bangladouche!

By Alison Royer

Let's recap: Bangledeshi man, Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis, comes to U.S. on student visa.  He then attempts to orchestrate terrorist cell but instead accidentally aligns himself with F.B.I. cohorts.  Nafis has grand fantasies of murdering President Barack Obama yet settles for Federal Reserve Bank of New York.  After Mohammad (this guy has like five names and I intend to use each and every one of them) abandoned the idea of a suicide bombing because of a few loose ends he needed to tie up in Bangladesh, he set out to detonate the Reserve from a local hotel room, only to realize the entire operation was a ruse and he was under arrest.

Wowsers.  I thought my study abroad program was challenging but this guy really got the shit kicked out of him.  To be fair, it serves him right.  For starters, if you're planning a terrorist attack and find that Mohammad is anywhere in your name and that your last name is a mere letter away from the word Nazi…you may wanna think about changing it up.  Paul Smith maybe?  Furthermore, it serves Ahsan right for not showing the initiative of other terrorists who actually have the gonads to take themselves out.  Apparently Rezwanul wanted to get his affairs in order first.  I assume that meant laundry and grocery shopping.  Clearly the Bangladouche fucked the monkey in a major way which is a shame seeing as he had just reached the legal drinking age further proving my point that binge drinking is the solution to terrorism. 

This guy could be balls deep in a fish bowl right now instead of balls deep in his hairy cellmate from Queens, behind a trash can, in a New York prison.  You blew it Quazi…get ready for some balls in your mouth.

Bend Over Saudi, Ikea wants to kiss it!

By Alison Royer

Ikea, the popular Swedish retail store, is under fire for removing pictures of women in the Saudi Arabian version of its catalog.  As opposed to creating an entirely new catalog, Ikea simply removed images of women in an attempt to cater to Saudi Arabian ideals.

The ideals where women don't brush their teeth?  I don't get it.  The removals are fairly benign.  Ultimately, Ikea is perpetuating the belief that women should neither be seen nor heard.  I suppose it was too burdensome to do a new photo-shoot where all the women were dressed in burkas.  Way to go Ikea.  I thought maybe you hated women but it's clear you just wish they didn't exist.  You can bet your ass I won't be buying any more Svelviks.

Old Men loving Little Girls...also known as Pedophilia!

When girls as young as 15 years old are forced to marry older men it usually is the perfect recipe for disaster. This theory is now proven according to the Palestinian Central Bureau of Statistics, a total of 22.2 per cent of women who tied the knot during 2011 were 15 years old or younger in Palestine.

Disturbing much? In this day and age when children should just be allowed to be children, young girls are forced to become women and take care of families when they are just children themselves.

This is like the straight version of Jerry Sandusky (convicted of pedophilia, Penn State coach) lusting after young girls and being legally allowed to do so. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. What are they gonna do next, force girls to get married when they are newborns? This act is simply barbaric and straight from the 5th century mindset.

Wake up and smell the 21st century insane extremist mentality! If you let your daughters study, properly live out their childhood and grow up to be intelligent/strong women only then can your society beat poverty and violence. Until then the image above is your transportation to get around town.

Little girls make the Taliban wet their beds...

I'm sure you've heard of this already but in case you haven't a 14 year old Pakistani girl, Malala Yousufzai, who won a National Peace Prize and spoke up against the Taliban was shot in the neck and head on Tuesday. She's still in ICU and I pray to God for her speedy recovery. This girl is my hero! She had the courage and ambition to speak up against the Taliban when no one had the nerve to do so. She makes me proud to be a Pakistani.

The Taliban are indeed scared of little girls getting educated...darkness fears light. If there was ever a time for the Pakistani government and international community to take action against these cave men..its NOW. Just in the past two days she has become a global hero and it's well deserved. The Pakistani government has once again failed one of it's most prized citizens while the Taliban wows to take her life if she survives.

This is an open letter to the Taliban: Hurting little girls because they want to be educated, fearing progress of any form or shape and not offering an alternative to a corrupt government does not leave you with much favoritism. However, you have pissed me off and many like me around the world and you must pay for your sins by either blowing yourself up in your cave or joining the rest of the civilized world and doing something better for humanity.

P.S. YOU SUCK!

Malala, keep on fighting the good fight sis! Peace.

You don't like us...We Kill You!

What do you call an 11 year old girl living in the Swat valley of Pakistan writing against the Taliban while living under their brutal regime? A Heroine! Malala Yousafzai, now 14 years old was nominated for the International Children's Peace Prize and sadly became the target of the Taliban as they added her to their hit list. Today she was shot in the neck and head!

This brave little girl along with two others is fighting for her life. I pray for all of them and their speedy recovery.

The douchebag Taliban had this to say as their reason for attacking this little girl: "We wanted to kill her as she was pro-West, she was speaking against Taliban and more important she was calling President Obama as her ideal. She was young but was promoting a Western culture in the Pakhtun populated areas." Nice! Next time I don't like what someone has to say, I'm just gonna beat them up or better yet bust a cap in their ass!

The general intolerance of another opinion and the intense fear of losing power while hiding behind the veil of tradition, religion and culture is what cowards do best! If one Malala falls,  50 more will rise. The youth of Pakistan is under attack, progressive way of thinking is under attack but what the Taliban and ALL Muslim extremists do no understand is that they are out-numbered. Haven't you heard of Arab Spring? It's the domino effect and you can't stop it. It's coming for ya so hide your goats and stop touching little boys because shit is gonna hit the fan...Taliass!

The brown Captain Hook!

Abu Hamza aka the brown Captain Hook is en route to US. He only has one eye and a hook for a hand because he's cool like that. He was arrested by the UK Police on terrorism related charges in 2004 and has been stalling the legal system to prevent him from getting extradited to the US. Well, you can't escape the justice system no more! This guy tried setting up a terrorist training camp on American soil..did he not learn anything from Wesley Snipes? 

I personally think he's a secret fan of Halloween...since he never has to go costume shopping! Welcome to the US Brown Captain Hook...hold on with your hook, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Do It Yourself Weapons by Syrian Rebels...a New Reality TV show on Bravo!

By Alison Royer

Good lord.  This is just another indication that Americans are beyond lazy.  While the Syrian rebels are making their own weapons now, angry American kids are still fake protesting by sleeping in tents at night, racing home to their apartments to catch Modern Family, showering, cashing the check their parents sent them, tweeting about their insistence on occupying things and then racing back to the soup line where they demand only vegan options.  Man, we are the worst.